This week, I bought myself roses. I cut them down and put them in a mason jar full of water. I might buy myself some of those colored beads to put in there and make fresh flowers a weekly thing.
But the important part is that I saw flowers, pink roses, and I didn’t just walk away. They weren’t very expensive and they smelled lovely. I didn’t wish someone would send me roses. I didn’t sigh as I passed the flowers at the shop. I picked up the pink roses and wondered if I still had a vase in my apartment.
I’d also picked up some eggs, milk, and lemons so I could make myself something special for dinner.
So I had homemade dinner and a movie on the big screen in the living room, a really lovely date night, all by myself. I even cleaned afterwards and took a shower and ended my evening with a good snuggle with my stuffed animal. No one snoring in my bed at the end of the night.
It’s gonna be a while before I’ve healed enough to trust someone else with my heart and my future again. But I can trust myself with my heart and my future. There’s no one else I need. I can date all I want, but my primary relationship is with myself. I can buy my own flowers, thank you.